I never liked driving 3 hours just to pick you up from your house, but at the time, I was so desperate to get close to anyone, high gas prices were not an issue. I think you knew it wasn’t necessarily you I liked, that I just wanted to be around a girl for the sake of having one. You were always more into me than I was into you, and I’m certain you knew, yet you continued to see me, ask me to get you, hang out with me, have sex with me, then let me take you home without mentioning it twice. I think part of you thought you could get me to love you, or at the very least, stop saying, “You do know this is not going anywhere, don’t you?” In retrospect, I was a fucking asshole. I never led you on because I let you know upfront not to expect much from me, but on the other hand, I knew you liked me more than you pretended to, and I know you thought by staying with me, you could somehow change my mind. And I was close to doing just that after the third month straight, but we both blew it.

That day, you told me, “I hope every girl you’re with after me fucks you up the same way she did.” You knew it pissed me off because I didn’t react by yelling at you. I think I actually pulled my own ears out of frustration, my face got beet red, and I told you, “All right, let’s go. I’m taking you home.” By the time I pulled onto your street, I’d calmed down, but when you turned to face me, you said, “You’re such a fucking asshole sometimes. Don’t call me anymore.” Then you got out, slammed my door, cracked my passenger side window and didn’t look back. God, you were such a bitch sometimes.

Two weeks later, you sent me an email saying, “I didn’t think you knew how to stay away. Good job.” I didn’t reply. As a matter of fact, you’re the one who couldn’t stay away. You showed up to three Orlando shows during the summer with a new boy every time, just so you could dance around in my face and talk about how happy you were. I was good at driving you crazy.

I told you one day I was going to write about every girl I’ve ever known. I’m just getting a head start.

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