I don’t like when you send me dirty pictures of you, you’re not pretty, we’re not eeeeeever going to live together, and I’m not impressed by your desperate attempts to garner my attention. Maybe I don’t respond to you because…

• Hugh Jackman’s opening number was funnier than I expected.
• Penelope Cruz, puedes hablar más pronto? Un poquito por favor.
• Ben Stiller as Joaquin wasn’t that funny.
• Okay Beyonce, we get it, big thighs are in.
• Uhhhh zefron and

…