I dreamt my mother last night. We were talking in a room, and a black snake curled up between the two of us. Being the wuss I am, I jumped, and it kept following me and trying to slither up my leg. Suddenly it disappeared, and my mom said, “Are you sure it didn’t get into your pants?” In a panic, I ran to the bathroom and threw my pants off. There was blood everywhere, and when I looked up again, I was at a bus stop with my pants around my knees. It was really fucking weird.

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