Perfect. Opening. Ever.
Britney looks great but I think she forgot her pants.
Oh, shut up, Taylor Swift.
I think Beyonce just grabbed her balls…
lolz Beyaki’s drummer looks like a butch Rihanna.
Damn, girl. Get up off the floor.
Apparently the Grammys is just Beyonce tonight.
Awh Jay-Z sure loves his woman.
Something about women hanging upside down with their legs straight apart…
I bet it’s pretty obnoxious to have Pink dripping her water all over you.
Oh, Stranger Bitch has a nomination? Why?
Zac Brown Band? Fuck them.
Fergie Ferg is becoming more attractive to me every day. Why?
I still …

I was sitting with the other kids in my class in a giant circle playing Duck Duck Goose. Any time a girl was up, I was always picked to chase her around. I didn’t have freakishly long spider legs back then so it was almost a fair fight.
A redheaded girl named Brittany made it fairly obvious she had a crush on me. When she would shout “Duck!” after tapping everyone’s head, she lingered over mine long enough to brush her fingers through my hair. “Goose!” she’d screech as I bolted …

I’m coming (that’s what she said).