Women and Me
My ability to screw up relationships is amazing. I never considered myself anything less than a relationship kind of guy until 2007 when I was done with all of it. Take it easy, nothing serious, and no one gets hurt. Once emotions hit maximum capacity, everyone gets worked up, people cry and yell and fight, and it’s not fun anymore. Romance was gone after the first two months; now, it’s just a matter of “How badly can I make the other person fight for me?” Someone says something awful, wishes death to each other, and the next morning you feel less in love than you were before. You think you build it back up in the span of a few days, but nothing is “built back up.” You’re only building up a false sense of security until the next fight, then the next and the next, until finally, one or both parties are sick of fighting, sick of each other, and sick of not being happy. Enter more hurt feelings, and someone (I won’t say who) is stuck moping like a baby for a year and a half, occasionally drinking a glass of Jack Daniels on the rocks like an old man, hoping to pen a song, or die of alcohol poisoning – whatever comes first.
These are the reasons relationships don’t work for me anymore. Regardless of how in love I am with a girl, there is a part of me that still wants to fight because I think it keeps my girl on her toes. I still haven’t realized that I’m slowly pushing her away, that tumultuous relationships don’t lead to great sex forever, that one day, she’s going to take the kids and leave me. I would deserve it all.
This is a reminder to myself or how damaging my behavior is to my relationships, more specifically, the one I have with a special girl right now. She doesn’t deserve the way I act toward her, but I think she knows I can be better. And I can be better, dammit. I’m an amazing fucking guy.
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