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Cocaine and me

25 February 2010 138 views One Comment

It’s true – I’ve struggled with drugs since I was a teenager. It began when I was in high school and I started smoking weed with a pretty blonde girl at her house. Her parents let her do whatever she wanted, and she had very little regard for anyone but herself. Nonetheless, she invited me over every other weekday to smoke and make out. I don’t think she was really my girlfriend as she spent most of her time with another boy at school, and I never cared. I had a girlfriend too, a full-time one, and I was as happy as a 14-year-old boy with a girlfriend could be.

From weed, I graduated to cocaine. Same girl had her hookups with drugs, and I was a willing, naive participant. In my house, my parents never talked about drugs, except my father, who sometimes told us of all the times he got fucked up in the 70s. It wasn’t really a warning as much as it was some kind of funny story. I never thought of drugs as something you could get addicted to, despite taking health as an elective. It only seemed like something you would take that would impair your judgment temporarily, thus, hilarity ensues, unless you went to jail for the night.

This wasn’t the case for me. I started using cocaine once a month, then it became a Friday thing. Once it became a daily thing, two lines wouldn’t do it for me anymore. What’s the fastest way to get me high? I need something strong. Then I tried a speedball for the first time.

Really, that’s all it took. It was at a get-together when we shared needles, and I let my “friend” shoot me up. I don’t really remember what happened that night, but I ended up passing out and in the hospital. A lot of permanent consequences came out of that night, and it wasn’t even the lowest point in my life.

I don’t think I can ever let myself touch cocaine again, not with a clear head. I ignored a lot of things and used as recently as a few months ago, but there are too many people in my life that I’d hate to let down. I’m not only doing it for them, but for myself as well.

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One Comment »

  • Manjula said:

    I love you.

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