I know this girl. She’s my soulmate. And even though I’m a prick most days, she puts up with me because she knows there might be more to me than being some pill-popping Republican (yeah, I said it).
So let’s get married. I never cared what my friends thought about my relationships anyway. You’re It. I can’t love anyone else like I love you.

When you’re on a tight budget and up against a deadline, it can be tempting to rush a Photoshop job for an ad, a magazine cover or product packaging. But shortcuts and overzealous image editing can result in more hilarious mistakes like these: stray telltale watermarks, missing reflections and body parts twisted like taffy until they barely seem human.

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I have a love/hate relationship with RSS feeds. On one hand, it keeps me on top of my news and gives me something to do while waiting for someone/lying in bed/garnering the strength to wake up in the morning. On the other hand, some feeds are updated so often that it pushes other stories down, and I get frustrated. About a year ago, I tried using Feedly after reading some good reviews, but it still wasn’t enough to hold my attention. Recently, I decided to give it another shot.
First of …

The celebrity apology: It’s an art form.
While totally insincere apologies have sprung from the mouths of celebrities for decades, the Internet raises the bar and practically begs for displays of artificial remorse.
Imagine the trouble televangelist Jimmy Swaggart could have gotten himself into if he’d had a Twitter account. And we don’t even want to think about a MySpace page falling into Bill Clinton’s fumbling hands.
Not to be outdone, today’s celebrities have raised apologizing to an ingenious level. First, deny any wrongdoing. When caught, make up some lame excuse. Choose from: …

Well, maybe.

Every guy has dated that one girl who likes to trash-talk every other girl she ever meets, the girl with the anger problem but won’t admit it, the one whose mom encourages them to beat the shit out of anyone who looks at them the wrong way. In my experience, these girls are the most possessive and needy people. They’ll call the waitress a bitch if she flirts with you. They’ll constantly talk about some “nasty fake skank” who they still hold a grudge against since high school. They’ll dig …

I was reminded of a story.
Back in my college days, I took a lot of trips to Houston to see my old friends. I knew a lot of people so I always had someone to be around, and I used to drink, but I was almost always designated driver. One night, I said, “Fuck it. We’re calling a cab” and sat myself at the bar to order my second drink.
The well special was something ridiculous like $1.25 a piece so we couldn’t pass it up. I ordered a vodka seven, …