I don’t know how I get into these slumps. I have amazing people in my life, and I’m grateful to still be alive, but sometimes, I miss having her around. A therapist once told me that I would probably never stop blaming myself for what happened, and I still hold on to a lot of guilt. I don’t know how to get over it. It spills over into my personal life.

I sat in my car at the park for about an hour before getting out. Walked around the lake. Fed a duck. A woman walking the trail with her daughter passed me. She smiled, and I smiled back. Little kids are so naive. They’re always so happy and think everyone else feels the same way. For all she knew, her mother was only smiling to be polite like I was. Maybe her mother is miserable. But kids can only be happy. Happy. I wanted to be her.

I miss home. I miss Florida. I miss being 8 and not really understanding how sick and tired my parents were of each other. I hope I never get married because I know I’m going to make some other girl very miserable.

Related Posts

1. It’s been a week.
2. Two steps forward, one step back.
3. I miss you.
4. If your name is Mary, and you’re from NY, read this.
5. dance recitals and school plays (the joys of having girls)