Girls with bad attitudes

Every guy has dated that one girl who likes to trash-talk every other girl she ever meets, the girl with the anger problem but won't admit it, the one whose mom encourages them to beat the shit out of anyone who looks at them the wrong way. In my experience, these girls are the most possessive and needy people. They'll call the waitress a bitch if she flirts with you. They'll constantly talk about some "nasty fake skank" who they still hold a grudge against since high school. They'll dig their fingernails into another girl's face, and then say, "I did it for you."

I went out with a girl like this. Fake tan, fake boobs, fake nails, just fake all around. All she did was talk shit about everyone else, and her mother was just as bad. When I asked her, "Why do you have to be like that? It makes you look like such a nasty person," she replied, "Excuse me?! Is it because you really want to get into that waitress's pants? You asshole. Go fuck yourself." Then we both go home and fuck like rabbits. Do girls do this to get a rise out of a guy or are they honestly terrible people?

I hardly get so drunk I throw up, but…

I was reminded of a story.

Back in my college days, I took a lot of trips to Houston to see my old friends. I knew a lot of people so I always had someone to be around, and I used to drink, but I was almost always designated driver. One night, I said, "Fuck it. We're calling a cab" and sat myself at the bar to order my second drink.

The well special was something ridiculous like $1.25 a piece so we couldn't pass it up. I ordered a vodka seven, and it was the strongest, cheapest shit I'd ever tasted. I could hardly taste the 7-Up at all, but it was okay. All that meant was I would have to drink less to get drunk. We sat at the bar, and I ended up having 4 wells, then a shot, then 2 more wells. For good measure, I had one more, then we decided to go to the Backroom for whatever band was playing.

Holy shit. The second I got up, the room started spinning and I remember saying, "Oh no. This is bad." "No no you're fine. Just hold my hand." Whoever it was wasn't who we came with; it was some douchenozzle fucking around with me. Anyways, we got upstairs, and I plopped down on some leather couch. I curled up in it for a little, then my stomach did a backflip.

I puked all over that sucker.

The bartender brought me a plastic cup of water, which I promptly drank. "You'll feel better," he told me. It didn't. I threw up right into the cup and sat it down on the ground. Then I lied back down on the couch, pulled my jacket over my head and fell asleep. Did I mention a band was playing less than 10 feet away from me?

I finally woke up when it was over. There were wet paper towels next to me. I guess someone tried to clean up my puke and failed. I heard a guy say, "Did you really sleep through that?" "Yeah." "Lucky."

I really don't know how my friends didn't drink as much as I did. On the way home, we had to stop a few times so I could open the back door and throw up into the street. I was drunk for two days after that.

Have you ever downplayed a past relationship?

I've been with a lot of girls. I don't think I've ever regretted being with any of them, but there are a few that were less than ideal. Just as few were really, really good relationships where I had my heart broken, thinking everything was fine when it really wasn't. It was typical teenage Jacob mentality. As I got older, I stopped romanticizing every relationship and started thinking with my head. Every new girl pushed an old girl out of my head until I couldn't remember much about what went on, unless I really thought about it.

I'd say about three-fourths of my guy friends think that I was never really happy with anyone until my current girlfriend. My girlfriend knows how much she means to me, and I can say without a doubt that she is the best girl I have ever been with, but to say I never liked a girl so much I would do almost anything for her BEFORE her would be a lie. I think everyone is guilty of that. If someone asked about your last boyfriend or girlfriend, or your "first love," it's typically downplayed. A common response would be, "Yeah, we really liked each other, but it was never going to work out" when, in reality, it was typical puppy love, and at the time, you wouldn't have traded it for anything. To most of my guy friends, I say it was one-sided, or that we both were "into each other" without really elaborating, or even thinking twice about it. With most girls who ask about my past, and whom I don't feel comfortable enough sharing with, I minimize it in the same way.

There are very few girls who know about my past in the most honest way I know how to share it. I've never been ashamed to talk about it, but unless I know you, it's always a touchy subject, especially since I'm a pussy and took forever to get over some girls. Truthfully, I would be sad if someone downplayed our relationship when we had a really good one. It makes the experience less meaningful and almost worthless, and I don't want to do that to someone else.

Cocaine and me

It's true - I've struggled with drugs since I was a teenager. It began when I was in high school and I started smoking weed with a pretty blonde girl at her house. Her parents let her do whatever she wanted, and she had very little regard for anyone but herself. Nonetheless, she invited me over every other weekday to smoke and make out. I don't think she was really my girlfriend as she spent most of her time with another boy at school, and I never cared. I had a girlfriend too, a full-time one, and I was as happy as a 14-year-old boy with a girlfriend could be.

From weed, I graduated to cocaine. Same girl had her hookups with drugs, and I was a willing, naive participant. In my house, my parents never talked about drugs, except my father, who sometimes told us of all the times he got fucked up in the 70s. It wasn't really a warning as much as it was some kind of funny story. I never thought of drugs as something you could get addicted to, despite taking health as an elective. It only seemed like something you would take that would impair your judgment temporarily, thus, hilarity ensues, unless you went to jail for the night.

This wasn't the case for me. I started using cocaine once a month, then it became a Friday thing. Once it became a daily thing, two lines wouldn't do it for me anymore. What's the fastest way to get me high? I need something strong. Then I tried a speedball for the first time.

Really, that's all it took. It was at a get-together when we shared needles, and I let my "friend" shoot me up. I don't really remember what happened that night, but I ended up passing out and in the hospital. A lot of permanent consequences came out of that night, and it wasn't even the lowest point in my life.

I don't think I can ever let myself touch cocaine again, not with a clear head. I ignored a lot of things and used as recently as a few months ago, but there are too many people in my life that I'd hate to let down. I'm not only doing it for them, but for myself as well.

Marlon Brando’s Oscar win for “The Godfather”

Sacheen Littlefeather, an American Indian activist, accepting Marlon Brando's Academy Award on his behalf (click the picture to watch).